These things I cannot deny, I fail to understand

Pensive Doubting Fearful Heart

2011-09-25T22:43:00.000-04:00

Pensive, doubting, fearful heart
Hear what Christ the Savior says
Every word should joy impart
Change thy mourning into praise
Yes, He speaks and speaks to thee
May He help thee to believe
Then thou presently will see
Thou has little cause to grieve

Fear thou not, nor be ashamed
All thy sorrows soon shall end
I, who heaven and earth have framed
Am thy Husband and thy Friend
I, the High and Holy One
Israel's God, by all adored
As thy Savior will be known
Thy Redeemer and thy Lord

For a moment I withdrew
And thy heart was filled with pain
But my mercies I'll renew
Thou shall soon rejoice again
Though I seem to hide my face
Very soon my wrath shall cease
'Tis but for a moment's space
Ending in eternal peace

Though afflicted, tempest tossed
Comfortless awhile thou art
Do not think thou can be lost
Thou art graven on my heart
All thy wastes I will repair
Thou shalt be rebuilt anew
And in thee it shall appear
What the God of love can do

Weakness

2010-10-11T22:17:00.002-04:00

I've tried to stand my ground

I've tried to understand

But I can't seem to find my faith again

Like water on the sand

A grasping at the wind

I keep on falling short

Please be my strength

Cause I don't have anymore

I don't have anymore

Wandering Heart

2010-10-08T22:53:00.000-04:00

Hah. Just noticing how I only seem to post when I am in a particular frame of mind. Maybe someday my blog will burst out of its bubble.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing has become one of my favorite hymns ever.

O to grace, how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be

Let Thy grace now like a fetter

Bind my wandering heart to Thee

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it

Prone to leave the God I love

Here's my heart, oh, take and seal it

Seal it for Thy courts above

I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens' arrangement of the hymn recently. Here's a youtube link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sApYYmxhWQ ).

Running

2010-08-29T18:17:00.000-04:00

I am so conflicted and mixed-up.

I need someone to sort me out. Jesus.

But for some reason I turn away when I see him. I plug my ears if it sounds like he might be "saying" something.

I just graduated

2010-05-24T22:29:00.000-04:00

An aphorism ripped out of the context of Augustine's Confessions, book 12:

"...the poverty of the human intellect expresses itself in an abundance of language."

Oatmeal

2009-12-09T05:41:00.002-05:00

Sitting here eating oatmeal. Listening to Jon Foreman. Thinking about who-knows-what. At the end (or in the midst) of an all-nighter.

It is finals week.

How I feel

2009-11-10T03:08:00.002-05:00

[This is part of an email I sent to a professor tonight...]

I am not sure how to make heads-or-tails of what all is going on in life for me right now, but I am at a point where I feel rather powerless in the face of increasing schoolwork and other stressors. My emotions seem to have been on the fritz as of late and I have not dealt with them well. Spiritually, I feel shot. I have few other words to use. I am beat. My heart and my body and my emotions and my desires and my everything are in deep need of God's touch and restoration. I am not sure how reliable my emotions are right now, especially because I realize that the flu took a lot out of me and I am probably still physically recovering. But I am quite convinced that there is significant stock to be placed in what I've said.

As far as the assignments go, I don't want to let you or my classmates down. It bugs me that I feel like I'm giving up - I don't want to be defeated. But I think I am defeated right now. I need to get adequate sleep tonight and I think I need to take a moment and look at where I am - to look at what is truly important and to allow that to inform my priorities. I think - perhaps I am wrong - that at this moment, these matters of the heart are very important. I am tired.

I am truly not seeking leniency grading-wise. This email is sent partly to ensure that you understand that I mean no disrespect by these incomplete assignments. This email is also admittedly self-serving in that I wish to "save face." But I'm tired of saving face, too... so really, finally, I desire your thoughts and prayer as (I hope) God works with me through this time.

And that's what it comes down to, in a lot of ways. I'm tired and frustrated. With a whole lot of things, in a whole lot of ways. I desperately need to encounter God and for him to give rest to my restless soul, and for his love to overcome my irrational "desire" ("fear" is probably a more accurate term) to run to everyone and everything but him.

[Have you ever heard the song "Jealous Kind" by Jars of Clay? Here's two lines: "I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar / Than be broken by a lover I don't understand"]

Quotes

2009-11-01T23:58:00.003-05:00

"The widespread postmodernist attitude that, since there are so many religions with a claim to truth, no one religion matters in the end, thus allowing us to ransack religions to suit our personal tastes, merely strengthens the status quo by driving religion from the public sphere into the private, with the weakening of religion going side by side with the growth of state power." (Lamin Sanneh)

"The most dangerous enemy today is no longer the dark forces of totalitarianism, the various hostile and plotting mafias, but our own bad qualities. My presidential program is, therefore, to bring spirituality, moral responsibility, humaneness, and humility into politics and, in that respect, to make clear that there is something higher above us, that our deeds do not disappear into the black hole of time but are recorded somewhere and judged, that we have neither the right nor a reason to think we understand everything and that we can do everything." (Václav Havel)

Gil Deuck on Charles Taylor

2009-09-02T11:49:00.004-04:00

I have found that Gil Deuck's blog is consistently interesting and thought-provoking. This is definitely true of the two most recent posts, which flow out of his engagement with Charles Taylor's Sources of the Self. I suggest you check it out.

Gil Deuck :: Just Wondering (http://hepburnmusings.wordpress.com/)

Witnesses to Grace.

2009-08-16T23:10:00.008-04:00

I have been encouraged this summer:

witnessing
many times
many ways:
although broken,
God's people - His church -
witnessing
to His grace

It has been an encouraging summer. When I am drawn to view the church with disdain, I need to remember these experiences. But most of all, I need to remember that God loves this, His church.

I cannot pretend to follow God in the midst of growing distaste for some or all of these people for whom Christ died, and for whom he will return.

I have many words, lofty ambitions... but the question remains, will I be an active witness to God's grace and His faithfulness?

By His grace alone, I will. And when I forget and fail and fall, His grace will challenge me and teach me and develop me into a more faithful witness. Not because of who I am, but because of who He is.

Hey unfaithful,
I will teach you to be stronger
Hey ungrateful,
I will teach you to forgive each other
Hey unloving,
I will love you.
I will love you.
(Underoath, "Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Will Escape")

The devil's singing over me
An age-old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He's forgotten the refrain:
Jesus saves!
(Shane & Shane, "Embracing Accusations")

I don't want to forget the first verse or the refrain.

Thank you, God, for your faithfulness and for your people and for opening my eyes and encouraging my heart. You are patient as you open my eyes, a blind and broken and arrogant sinner.

I don't want to continue to take you for granted. Thank you. So much.

Quote

2009-08-02T13:08:00.002-04:00

"Western inclusivism is really covert exclusivism." (Tim Keller)

Read it.

2009-07-12T15:03:00.004-04:00

"Without truth, without trust and love for what is true, there is no social conscience and responsibility, and social action ends up serving private interests and the logic of power, resulting in social fragmentation, especially in a globalized society at difficult times like the present" (5).

"Fidelity to man requires fidelity to the truth, which alone is the guarantee of freedom (cf. John 8:32) and of the possibility of integral human development" (9).

... these are words found in a recent encylical, "Charity in Truth" (Caritas in Veritae) issued by Pope Benedict XVI. They are quoted in an article, authored by Francis J Beckwith. Beckwith reviews the recent Pope Benedict XVI's encyclical, commenting on its content and meaning.

It is a very worthwhile read, I think: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/julyweb-only/127-53.0.html. It's a short article, too.

Additional links:

The full text of the encyclical in English: http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20090629_caritas-in-veritate_en.html

An op-ed piece talking about the difficulty that many have in understanding the full depth and breadth of this encyclical (or of much Christian thought in general): http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/opinion/2009/0710/1224250386825.html

Return?

2009-05-11T01:00:00.002-04:00

I hope that I am on the threshold of a decisive step back towards God.

I too have gone astray, I wish to return to my Shepherd. Yet my desires are impotent and fleeting.

I pray my Shepherd comes and finds me and brings me home.

I am highly skeptical of my authenticity in stating what I have written above.

I need you, God - this is a call.

Sentiment

2009-04-15T20:57:00.003-04:00

You are like a beautiful tree
With roots in the ground so deep
That they could never be seen.
I'm a leaf that's ready to fall.
And the wind's going to blow me,
Someday, away from it all.

I just want to write you in a song,
Put your smile on paper so you can sing along.
I just want to bottle the sun,
Keep your light a secret I can find when you are gone.

Jason Reeves, "You in a Song"

...And, yes, I am a softy sometimes.

I don't believe in the power of prayer

2009-04-14T19:32:00.003-04:00

I believe in God, attentive to his creation, present in history.

I do not subscribe to the belief that belief itself is credible. It is not. Faith is only as reliable as its object.

"Credulity is no virtue."

Prayer itself has no power.

If there is no hearer...
If there is a hearer who is not interested in responding...
If there is a hearer who has no capacity to respond...
then prayer is a pep talk at best, willful self-deceit at worst.

I think we should not pray for the sake of praying.

I think we should pray as the consequence of the belief (no matter how tenuous) that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - the God of Jesus - is attentive to His Creation and present in our human affairs.

And so I do not agree whatsoever with the statement, "I believe in the power of prayer." For I do not believe in prayer; I believe in God.

More music

2009-03-15T20:43:00.004-04:00

It's been awhile since I've posted. I really think I should write more - not necessarily on this blog - but in general.. it is very healthy, I think.

But if you're thinking that this will be some sort of intelligent or clever post, you are wrong. I am just sharing a couple of artists who have really occupied my time the past few days... Current favorite songs in parentheses...

Alli Rogers ("Eden")
Kendall Payne ("I will show you love")

Listen to them. Seriously.

A couple more...
Josh Garrels ("Zion & Babylon")
Jon Foreman ("Again")

Beautiful Music

2008-12-22T17:25:00.001-05:00

Check it out. I've met him a couple of times before. He often plays keyboard at our church.

http://andrewrrogers.com/music/

"Word of God" ?

2008-11-24T09:15:00.004-05:00

I was asked this question this morning..

"Does it bother you when people refer to that book as the 'word of God'?"

My response was perfectly vague and noncommittal. And I do not think that my response should've been vague and noncommittal. I think it is important that I start to develop an articulation and defense for what I believe. And I think it needs to begin very soon (possibly waiting until the semester and its papers are finished).

So, turning the question back to you...

Does it bother you when people refer to the Bible as the "word of God"?

Who am I

2008-11-18T00:12:00.005-05:00

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Who am I? They often tell me

I stepped from my cell's confinement

calmly, cheerfully, firmly,

like a Squire from his country house.

Who am I? They often tell me

I used to speak to my warders

freely and friendly and clearly,

as though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me

I bore the days of misfortune

equably, smilingly, proudly,

like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really that which other men tell of?

Or am I only what I myself know of myself?

Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,

struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,

yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds,

thirsting for words of kindness, for neighbourliness,

tossing in expectation of great events,

powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,

weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,

faint, and ready to say farewell to it all.

Who am I? This or the Other?

Am I one person to-day and to-morrow another?

Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,

and before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?

Or is something within me still like a beaten army

fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine!

Pray.

2008-11-16T19:18:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Our World

2008-10-22T08:47:00.004-04:00

Tears are falling
Hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised
We've been waiting
Welcome, Holy Child
Welcome, Holy Child

Hope that you don't
Mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited
Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home
Please make Yourself at home

Bring Your peace
Into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking
Heaven's silence
Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

Fragile finger
Sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart
Whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born

So wrap our injured
Flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin
And make us holy
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

("Welcome to Our World," Chris Rice)

Saturday of Midterm Break

2008-10-18T21:25:00.005-04:00

I think I could miss New Guinea right now.

And by that, I mean to say that I miss free, careless home.

I'm glad it's midterm break right now. The past 48 hours have been quite good, memories of home notwithstanding :)

2008-09-21T09:50:00.004-04:00

Thoughts to come, hopefully....

Thoughts on solitude and community.

Suspicion as the enemy of community.

Is the value of an individual within a given community contingent upon that individual's potential/real contribution to that community? What about within the redeemed community? How does it affect our interpretation of Scripture? How does it affect our understanding of sin - original and personal?

Love, unity, division, marginalization, peace, Friday's message in chapel, humility, preaching.

Run

2008-07-31T23:41:00.005-04:00

Surrender is one of the most difficult things for me, I think.

It's fight or flight for me, even it seems when the right thing is to submit.

So I fight it for all it's worth or I drown it in distraction.

God, please help me. I'm not yet ready and I don't know if I ever will be. But I want to be.

I think "Surrender" by BarlowGirl is probably pretty accurate.

Yep.

Feeling and writing, but not now

2008-07-19T00:04:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I really feel like writing. Things I've been thinking about and want to share. Or sometimes just expressing memories.

The latter is driving my current desire to share.

But I think I'll leave it locked up right now.

Words aren't adequate and I feel that words won't satisfy, not yet. I'm gonna miss my home for a little longer.

It's pleasant. In a strange sort of way.

God is good.

Does anyone else smell that?

2008-06-02T18:19:00.004-04:00

[Alternate Title: Why my clothes are so soft]

So I discovered (on Saturday) that I have been using fabric softener to clean my clothes and have been doing so for the majority of the past eight months.

I suppose my high school chemistry teacher, Mr. Beursken, was right to harp endlessly: "Pay strict attention to detail."

Yep... should've read that label closer.

Eve.

2008-03-23T00:08:00.002-04:00

The daggers sink anew.

I still can't get over Eve Carson's murder.

My dear God.

In North Carolina

2008-03-16T22:53:00.006-04:00

Waxhaw, NC.

I'm here. And it's quite beautiful. And the weather looks to be quite nice over this coming week.

Looking forward to some relaxation, hopefully, along with some time to think.

Perhaps some blogging, too? Hmm, perhaps.

I am soo looking forward to it. Oh, and I got to play soccer today: outdoor, pick-up. :D

A quote I heard today... something to chew on: "I would rather do something wrong out of right motives than happen to do something right out of wrong motives." Or something along those lines. Interesting indeed.

Listen.

2008-03-07T08:25:00.003-05:00

Dear God. Dear world.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iU3IVnyNBpy8ooTN4OutE2rKG1pgD8V8JBH80.

How many times will this happen? How many!

How long until we realize? How long! We're so screwed up. We need Jesus.

Please, God - forgive. Please, God - remind. Please, God - heal. Please, God - return.

Forgive us for ignoring. Forgive us for apathy. Forgive us for distraction. Forgive us for our sin. Forgive us for forgetting what Christ has done.

Remind us of Christ. Remind us of our depravity apart from you. Remind us of Christ. Remind us of who we are in you. Remind us of Christ.

Heal us. Heal our world. Heal the hurt. Heal the pain. Heal the relationships. Heal us.

Return, O LORD. I'm so over this. Return and right the wrongs. Judge us fairly, LORD. Remember your love. Remember your son. But, please, make it right. I'm sorry for the way I've been wrong. I'm sorry for the way we've been wrong.

Dear God.

Chasing Happiness

2008-02-19T22:24:00.007-05:00

When I surveyed all that my hands had done
___and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless,
___a chasing after the wind
(Ecclesiastes 2:11, NIV)

The American dream of happiness is rooted in a belief in the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," which is written into the Declaration of Independence. Yet we all know coworkers, friends, or loved ones who use their liberty to pursue happiness and end up... saying, "This isn't what it's cracked up to be." Their pursuit of happiness becomes "chasing after the wind."

That American dream is broken. It always has been.

--The above is copied (sans emphasis) from a letter I received today from the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. (Note: all discussion about the merits of this and similar organizations will have to wait for another day.. that's not the point of this post - if you missed the point, read again). I am interested to find out how their TV special, "America's Dream: Chasing Happiness," touches on this topic. Airing times can be found here.

Later, all.

"That American dream is broken. It always has been."

Unity?!

2008-02-18T16:02:00.003-05:00

Unity - what is it?

Is it possible? How?

Oh, the thoughts that have run their course through my mind as of late... modernity, postmodernity, truth, God, Christ, Christianity, priorities, surrender, society, politics, word-deed disconnect, God as a social construct vs. God as Himself, the Church, pain and brokenness, orientation, misplaced focus, existence, HIV/AIDS and a properly Christian approach, love, justice, interpretation of Scripture, do we trying to follow ourselves even though we pretend to be following God?

Maybe I'll unpack some of these here. Maybe.

Peace. Soli Deo Gloria.

It is a difficult thing.

2008-02-10T22:44:00.000-05:00

It is a difficult thing, this life is.

It is a difficult thing, to stake one's life upon Christ.

It is a difficult thing.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24.

Dear Church

2008-02-02T22:29:00.000-05:00

Dear Church:

Who are you? Do you even know?

Who brings you into being?

Who gives you life?

Who draws you to himself?

Who comforts you in your pain?

Who lights your darkness and lightens your burden?

Who gives rest to the weary and restores the broken?

Who speaks judgment on the oppressors and justice for the oppressed?

Who grants mercy to the penitent?

Who brings peace in the midst of struggle?

Who leads the blind and heals the lame?

Who warns those who are idle and encourages the timid?

Who helps the weak?

Who leads the fearful?

Who touches the unloved?

Who displays the truth and disputes deceit?

Who brings you to this place?

Who gives you cause to be thankful and reason to be joyful?

Who will take you home?

Dear Church:

Who is this person? Do you even know?

He died to restore you. He rose in God’s mighty power.

In the same way, you also are called to die. God will take care of the rest. You must die.

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” John 12:24.

Teach us, Lord – we need you.

Tears for Alotau.

2007-12-28T18:01:00.000-05:00

I have often cried. Part of me desired the release brought by tears even as I wrote this last Sunday night. It is neither physical pain nor present grief that causes me to cry in this way. When I cry, I cry for a home that does not exist; at least not here and now. I cry for Alotau, not because Alotau is itself home. I cry because it, for me, represents the last time I truly felt at home. I cry for Alotau because I long to feel at home once more. I have moved many times since then, but I cannot leave. I cannot leave.

I have forgiven, truly forgiven, those people and the system that were involved in ripping me away. I was a tree that had sunk its roots deeper and deeper, only to be blindsided by a storm that ripped me out of the ground and left me adrift at sea. I still remember the pain and the hurt. Unfounded accusations were made against my dad and mom by someone who had our trust. We did not know about the accusations until well after the authority began acting upon them – we were not even in the country when they were first made. The cowardice displayed by our accusers still strikes me. My parents were never given a fair chance to defend themselves; they were never even able to hear the accusations from the accuser face-to-face. And, yet, my parents were viewed as guilty, and they and my family would have to move to where the authority could better gauge my parents ‘attitude towards authority’ (or something to that effect). And so I found myself being ripped from my home.

Words cannot express the emotions and thoughts that I recall when I remember leaving Alotau.

I remember lying underneath my bed, punching my mattress with the rage I felt for the injustice being done to my family and I. Punching until my hand fell to the hardwood floor in exhaustion. Many tears spilled on the floor that day; many tears spilled on the floor those last three months in Alotau. Many floors have been wet by many tears since those months.

I remember swearing that, if I ever became a leader with the kind of authority these people had, neither I nor the system I led would ever betray someone as I had been betrayed. I would remember the family. I would remember the kids. I would remember justice. I would never do otherwise. Never.

I remember the last Christmas in Alotau, when the time came to decorate the Christmas tree – an event specially regarded in our household as something the whole family took part in. I remember lying on a couch near the tree in a very cynical mood; any suggestion made to me to the effect that I take part in decorating the tree was met by me with a caustic silence or a disagreeable remark. There was to be no joy, I thought. No joy. How could there be joy when they were taking away my home? Tell me, someone, how could I pretend to be joyful when wrongdoing had forcefully separated me from my home? How?

I did enjoy decorating Christmas cookies a few weeks later. But even in the midst of laughing and icing cookies, leaving Alotau was still on my mind. I iced the word “aionai” (meaning “goodbye”) onto one of my cookies. I do not deny that I still enjoyed a lot of things – I played soccer, basketball, ran around doing mischief. But things changed when I was alone. In privacy, there was no solitude; in the quietness, I only remember one thing being on my mind. I was leaving Alotau, I was leaving my home.

Many times, withdrawn to my room where I had privacy, I would silently scream between sobs. Tell me, God, why are you letting this happen? Why? I know that you can, you will bring something good out of this. But I don’t want the good, not if it means all of this. God, I’m sick of it. How can this happen? Where are you?

Memories surface of walking around town, thinking about how I wouldn’t be around here for much longer. I finished the year in school about a month before leaving. I didn’t take enough time to say goodbye. Why should I? I was leaving anyways. They’d live their lives, I’d live mine. Plus, I didn’t really care to think about leaving Alotau when I was with my friends who I was leaving.

It was that last New Year’s eve in Alotau, a couple of weeks before leaving, that I watched the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. Beautiful as the sunset was, it was a horribly unlike my leaving Alotau. My leaving was no sunset. No, it was a slap in the face, a rude awakening, a backstabbing… anything but something gradual, not to mention something beautiful. Someone had suddenly blacked out my sun, not even giving Alotau the dignity to set in my life.

I left many subtle tributes, of which the “aionai” cookie was one. Our bags were packed and we were about to leave (we never were “ready” to leave). Finally, just before exiting the terminal, I stuck the cookie in my mouth and started chewing. But I would not allow myself to finish eating it. Half of it, I spit on the tarmac; half of it, I swallowed. That cookie was symbolic: I knew that Alotau had become a part of me and would continue to be with me, and yet I also knew that Alotau stayed behind when that jet left the ground with me onboard.

The roar of the jet engines that day as we sped down the runway could not drown out the roar in my mind, in my heart, in everything I was, rebelling against leaving. O how I did not want to leave. But I left.

The Nightmare on Martinsburg Road

2007-12-04T12:09:00.000-05:00

So I've wanted to post some recent thoughts. To get them out there.

But I don't have time right now. This next week-and-a-half is going to be crazy (thus, the "nightmare").

So remind me to post some thoughts in about two weeks :D

The Not-so-black Friday

2007-11-25T18:34:00.001-05:00

[Written on Friday]

I'm sitting here, a cup of hot chocolate in hand, trying to put words to this day.

Outside, the night is chilly and crystal-clear. The moon is full and the Vermilion River running just outside is reflecting its light. Gorgeous. Reminds me a little of when I'd look out of our window in Madang after dark and see a path of light on the water leading to the moon set just above the horizon. God's creation is spectacular.

About an hour ago, I got out of the Jacuzzi, thoroughly relaxed (although the beginning wasn't very relaxing, admittedly – when I first turned on the jets, water sprayed all over the room and chaos ensued… oops).

I took a twenty minute nap just before dinner.

This afternoon, I discovered two hidden pockets in my flannel. Ok, so you might not appreciate it… but, c'mon… it's like having a brand new flannel! (Not quite, but work with me here :D )

I had fresh pineapple. Can I tell you how much I like fresh pineapple?! Oh, man. One of God's greatest gifts to man. But don't try to eat a whole fresh pineapple in one go, as I attempted to do back in Alotau. The acid wore my whole mouth raw, where it hurt doing almost anything. It stopped me from eating any acidic fruit, but not for very long… Mmm.. Pineapple.

I finished up my critical review on Martin Luther King, Jr. on Leadership, written by Donald T. Phillips. What an impressive man. I should write about him sometime – write something other than a paper, I mean.

The day got bright and sunny while eating a breakfast of sausage and pancakes this morning.

I was able to buy presents (and a few things for myself) this morning at Staples, where my sister and I went just before 6am.

This day has been a lot of things, but black is not definitely not one of them.

I'm even going to start reading about civil religion and Dietrich Bonheoffer in a little while. That should be very interesting, indeed.

Good night, gentlemen and ladies.

"I need Thee every hour / Stay Thou nearby / Temptations lose their pow'r / When Thou art nigh // I need Thee, oh I need Thee / Every hour I need Thee / I need Thee, I need Thee / I need Thee every hour"

God loves you.

Soli Deo Gloria.

If I Stand

2007-11-18T23:15:00.000-05:00

There's more that rises in the morning than the sun
And more that shines in the night than just the moon
There's more than just this fire here that keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger than this room

And there's a loyalty that's deeper than mere sentiment
And a music higher than the songs that I can sing
Stuff of Earth competes for the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver of all good things

So if I stand, let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you
So if I sing, let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep, let it be as a man who is longing for his home

There's more that dances on the prairies than the wind
And more that pulses in the ocean than the tide
There's a love that's fiercer than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's when her baby's at her side

And there's a loyalty that's deeper than mere sentiment
And a music higher than the songs that I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes for the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver of all good things

So if I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep, let it be as a man who is longing for his home

So if I stand, let me stand on the promise You will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if I sing, let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep, let it be as a man who is longing for his home

And if I weep, let it be as a man who is longing for home.

"If I Stand," by Rich Mullins (as performed by Jars of Clay)

Oh, that I could find a title for my first post

2007-11-18T00:15:00.000-05:00

I just really feel like writing, but not into a vacuum. So last night, I created a blog. And tonight, I post for the first time. But about what?

I am not sure. But not for a lack of topics - certainly not. I do not know what to write for an excess of topics.

God has been teaching me much; yet, I often find myself confused.

There is so much to existence as we experience it. So much to be seen, so much to be heard. In the midst of the seeming chaos which floods our lives, there is this undying yearning for order. For purpose in the strife. For love amidst the brokenness. For consistency. For trust. For right. For courage. For life. For coherence. For truth. For eternity. For home.

I'm finding it in the person of Jesus Christ and his cross. It bridges the gap of being and being. It reconciles the reality with the desire. It reconciles us with our Maker.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. But I'm going to just go to bed. Someday, I'll post again. Don't expect it to be much more than this. But perhaps it will.

God loves you.

Soli Deo Gloria.